Motivation

Pruning Seasons

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How do you know you’re in a season of pruning? Does everything in your life feel like it is falling apart? Are relationships ending abruptly? Are you feeling heavy in your current environment? You may also feel like you’re in a weird place right now, but this may not be such a bad thing.

God started speaking to me about pruning last year. According to the Oxford dictionary, pruning is the process of cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, especially to encourage growth. There are seasons when God does this in our lives too.

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”

John‬ ‭15:1-2‬ ‭‬‬

Growth Requires Pruning.

Pruning will often result in pain and loss in one way or the other. Sometimes we are reluctant to give up the things that we are used to or familiar with. We may even feel as though we have lost a part of ourselves as pruning can result in losing friendships, old habits, thought processes that have been ingrained in our minds for long periods of time, attitudes, certain behavioural patterns or even an environment that we are used to. Some of the things that we can ask ourselves to discern whether God is pruning us; was what I lost bringing me closer to God? was it developing me spiritually? was it helping me to grow?

Pruning is essential in our Christian walk, as without it, we will not be fruitful in the way God wants us to be.

In 2015 I made the decision that I wanted to grow out my hair natural and stop using texturizer. At this time my hair was a good length, however it was in very bad condition where I had a lot of dead and split ends, therefore I had no choice but to cut it.

This had to happen so that my hair could grow healthy and full. Similarly, growing deeper in your relationship with God and living a life according to His purpose will require sacrifice. This may feel like punishment but that is not God’s intention. God prunes us because He loves us and wants to see us grow and flourish.

Here are 4 tips that will help you through your season of pruning.

1. Stay connected to Jesus.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”

John‬ ‭15:5‬ ‭‬‬

It is important that we stay connected to God during our season of pruning. In fact, the Bible says that we should abide in Him. To abide means to remain/stay fixed in a place. What this looks like is leaning on God for strength, meditating on His word regularly and by communicating with Him through prayer.

2. Trust God.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”‭‭

Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭

Pruning will require us to trust in God and not depend on our own understanding. Remember His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). There are many blessings that are birthed when we trust in God. When we do this, He will surely direct us and give us clarity. God’s plans for us are for good and not evil (Jeremiah 29:11). Therefore, if He is taking us through a process, He will surely work everything out for our good (Romans 8:28).

3. Be patient.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

James‬ ‭1:2-4‬

‭We need to remember that our season of pruning is temporary. I say this because many fall away from the faith as they see this as a trial as opposed to God doing a work in them. Some of us are unable to exercise patience when we think we are going through trials. The Bible tells us that the testing of our faith produces patience. Patience is actually one of the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22) so if this is something that you are struggling with then I would advise that you pray and ask God to be led by His Spirit. Having patience also comes with a promise that you will be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. ‬

4. Keep you heart right.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬

‭‬‬You may be confused in your season of pruning, you may even become angry or bitter, especially as there will be a lot of uncertainty and loss. This is where you need to guard your heart by filtering out the emotions, desires, and thoughts that are not in line with God’s Word.

In ending, I would like to encourage you. If you are going through a season of pruning, stay hopeful. God would not put you through this process if He didn’t care. Pruning produces something good and the end result will be worth it.

Stay blessed and encouraged

Nkay

xoxo

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Motivation, Overcoming Series

Overcoming Insecurity

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At some point in our lives we all go through periods where we feel insecure. This could be an insecurity in how we see ourselves or we may even have an insecurity about where we are in life or how others view us.

The Webster’s dictionary defines insecurity as an uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; or a lack of confidence. This is the kind of insecurity I will be talking about in this post.

My story of feeling insecure I believe was developed at a young age. I did not grow up with my father, and often stayed with my Grandmother as a child. My grandmother was loving however being separated from my parents diminished any sense of belonging and feelings of rejection began to overwhelm me, which carried into adulthood. It’s not until my adulthood that I realised how much of an issue this was for me, and how much my feelings of insecurity led to many negative decisions.

Some of the emotions that came with my insecurity included anxiety, depression, people pleasing, and just pure anger.

Insecurity can also breed other toxic traits such as pride, fear, doubt, envy, jealousy and comparison.

Sometimes pride and insecurity come hand in hand. This is why a lot of the time people are not able to take correction. The mere feeling of being rejected is a reminder of how they see themselves, this can prevent a person from flourishing, as the Bible clearly says that pride is destructive.

Such emotions as the ones above can have many of us in bondage. I say bondage, as insecurity can affect our relationships and keep us from loving others freely. Also insecurity can keep us from reaching our full potential, as well as living the life that God designed for us.

This being said, I am glad to tell you that there is freedom in Jesus Christ and you no longer have to be bound by insecurity.

“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”‭‭

~ John‬ ‭8:36‬ ‭~

Gods plan is that you live an abundant life (John 10:10) and that is a life of freedom.

Below are some things that have helped me to overcome insecurity and hope these can help you too.

1. Recognising Where Feelings Of Insecurity Come From and Guarding Your Heart.

“Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.”

~ Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭~

Sometimes all it takes is being aware of what is in our hearts. When we react to something in a certain way, we must always examine where those feelings came from so that we can deal with the root of the issue. We must also be aware of our triggers. For example if you always find yourself comparing yourself to others every time you go on social media, then maybe its time to step-away from social media and really take time to seek God and heal.

2. Daily Affirmations.

Sometimes you need to remind yourself about what the Word of God says about you, especially during times when you doubt yourself and worry about your future. What has helped me is writing affirmations down in my journal, this helps me to understand that God has a plan and purpose for my life despite how I am feeling.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

~ Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭‬‬~

Also your daily affirmations can include using the truth to counter the lies of the enemy. It makes it easier to believe the lies of the enemy when you are insecure and have no real sense of identity. Actively speaking God’s truths into your live, will cause the lies of the enemy to lose their power and you will experience freedom.

“Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.”‭‭

~ Proverbs‬ ‭30:5 ~

3. Understand that God did not make any mistakes when He created you.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

‭‭~ Psalms‬ ‭139:13‬ ‭~

God makes no mistakes and David (who is described to be a man after God’s own heart) understood this.

God knew you before you were even conceived. Do you know how amazing that is?

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

~ Jeremiah‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭‬~

We need to start seeing ourselves as God sees us. You see Psalms 139 tells us that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made, not just some of us, but you are included in this verse. God created you so intricately and carefully. He makes no mistakes no matter your flaws, past or what you are currently going through.

4. Knowing That Your Identity Is In Christ.

“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;”

~ ‭‭I Peter‬ ‭2:9‬ ‭‬‬~

Did you know that God identifies you as a royal priesthood? You are precious and special to Him, therefore the way you see yourself should not come from what others say about you. The following verse is crucial too. 1 Peter 2:10 says that you now have an identity. Your security is in His mercy, calling, purpose, value and royalty.

5. Trust In God As Your Hope And Confidence.

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.”

‭‭~ Jeremiah‬ ‭17:7-8‬ ‭~

When we trust God, putting all of our hope, confidence and trust in Him we are declaring that we are no longer seeking these things from man or the patterns of this world. This is where I believe you will experience true victory and freedom.

As I end this post I want to remind all the queens out there that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and you must bring yourself to a place where you feel content knowing this.

Please feel free to share your stories about your experiences with insecurity in the comments below, as well as the steps that you took to overcome this.

Please also subscribe for upcoming Blog Posts.

Stay blessed and encouraged

Nkay

xoxo

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The Friendship Series

Part 2: Negative Friendships

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Who do you spend most of your time with? Are your closest friendships drawing you closer to Jesus? I ask this as friendships have the power to have a negative or positive impact on us. This is why the Bible tells us to choose our friends carefully.

“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

~ Proverbs 12:26 ~

Prior to and in the beginning stages of my salvation I didn’t intentionally try to seek good friendships with people. Rather I gravitated towards people who were more like me as well as those that I shared a common interest with. Good morals wasn’t a priority as long as we got along and had “fun”.

I remember my first real experience of Church becoming friends with one particular girl. There were a lot of characteristics that I found in this girl that I overlooked including anger, bitterness and gossip. As we became closer I became more distant from my other friends, and eventually we ended up leaving the church together before going our separate ways.

The Bible is clear about friendships that we should not have.

“Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.”

~ Proverbs 22:24-25 ~

Being friends with an angry person may start to bring out the worst in you and even be a hindrance to your own salvation. This kind of friendship is likely to be fuelled with drama which you don’t have time for. Not only that but people may also associate you with being angry as this kind of behaviour often can draw other people in.

“A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.”

~ Proverbs 16:28 ~

In my experience I have found that the more I was around people who spoke negatively about others, the more this changed my view of the people they would speak about. We really need to learn to guard our hearts and make wise choices regarding our friendships.

Sometimes it may get to a point where you no longer leave your friendship groups feeling encouraged or inspired. This is where you would need to evaluate the kind of impact your friends are having on you.

To summarise God wants to give you friendships that honour him and that bring him glory. This is impossible if your friendships are influencing you to participate in sin or to compromise your moral standards.

Tips:

1. Your Choice of Friendships are Your Responsibility

“He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

~ Proverbs 13:20 ~

As Christians it is our responsibility to recognise the relationships that God wants us to have and the ones he does not want us to have. The Bible says that we will know people by their fruits.

“You will know them by their fruits…”

~ Matthew 7:16 ~

We can start by making the choice to surround ourselves with people who are strongly rooted in Christ.

2. Set Boundaries

It is okay to distance yourself from those that are impacting on you negatively. You have to set clear boundaries within your friendships. One example could be how much time you spend around them, the places you go and the kind of conversations that you engage with. If they are real friends then they would respect those boundaries.

“Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;”

~ Psalm 1:1 ~

3. Be Secure Within Yourself

When you are not secure within yourself you may end up making wrong judgements and may settle for people who are not particularly good for you. Knowing your worth will help you to see good quality people that you should have around you.

Maybe you’re insecure and constantly looking for people to accept you. Let me tell you, God has already accepted you. Not only that, He wants to bless you with good friendships.

Do not believe the lie of the enemy. You are good enough. There is no need to settle for friendships that are outside of Gods will.

“Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.””

~ 1 Corinthians 15:33 ~

4. Knowing Gods Word

Gods word is a living testimony and stands true in this present day. There is a lot of guidance in the Bible about friendship, good and bad. If you are unsure about the kind of friendships that you need seek God first. Also get advice from Spiritual Leaders and women who are strongly rooted in Christ.

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”

~ Proverbs 11:14 ~

In my next blog I will be speaking about friendships that sharpen you. Please meditate on the below scripture.

“Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.”

~ Proverbs 27:9 ~

Please also remember to subscribe, like and leave a comment.

Stay Blessed and Encouraged

Love Nkay xoxo

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The Friendship Series

Part 1: What is Friendship?

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Recently God has put it on my heart to speak about friendship. We all need some sort of companionship. People are the greatest gift God has given us besides Himself. But do we truly know what it means to have friends or to even be a good friend ourselves?

The Oxford Dictionary describes a friend to be “A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.”

Human beings were made for relationships and this is demonstrated throughout the Bible.

“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.”

~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 ~

Whilst writing this Blog Post I began to reflect on my friendships as well as my role as a friend. The revelation was real. Honestly speaking I realised that when my expectations are met, all is well. But when they’re unmet, I tend to feel rejected, frustrated, and deeply disappointed which leads to me feeling hurt and cutting people off. It got to a point where I didn’t want to continue living in this cycle so I knew I had to make a change. I also had to learn to forgive.

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

~ Ephesians 4:32 ~

As I studied this topic further I realised that friendship is not selfish, however is more about putting other people’s needs before my own. It is more beautiful when you think less about what you want in friendships and more about what you can do for others.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

~ Dale Carnegie ~

Also, it is not every friendship that is good for us. Some relationships can impact us in a negative way and could be detrimental to our Salvation. It is therefore important to have friendships that point you towards Grace and truth. I will be speaking more about negative and positive friendships in part 2 and 3 of this series.

The Bible has a lot of wisdom when it comes to friendship:

1. You Must First Be Friendly.

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

~ Proverbs 18:24 ~

Do you long to have good, loyal friends? Start by becoming a good, loyal friend. Do you want relationships built on trust? Start by becoming trustworthy.

Friendship is a two way process. You cannot expect to have good friendships when 1, you are unapproachable and 2, you are not a good friend yourself.

2. Surround Yourself With Wise People.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

~ Proverbs 13:20 ~

There is so much to be gained by being around wise people.

In Proverbs 1:5 Solomon says that “A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel.”

3. A Friend Loves At All Times.

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”

~ Proverbs 17:17 ~

There is nothing wrong having fun and sharing the same interests as your friends, however the true value of friendship comes when you are there for each other through the darkest of times.

4. Friends Sharpen Each Other.

“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”

~ Proverbs 27:17 ~

Your friendships should sharpen you and help you to be a better version of yourself. As iron sharpens Iron your friendships should refine you, correct you and ultimately draw you closer to God.

When it comes to friendships firstly we need to remember that the foundation of great relationships are those with Jesus in it.

What does friendship mean to you? Are your friendships drawing you closer to God? Feel free to leave a comment below. Also don’t forget to subscribe.

Stay Blessed and Encouraged

Love Nkay XxX

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Lifestyle, Motivation

6 Lessons I learnt in 2018:

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Happy New Year Ladies. So it’s the first day of the New Year and I have been reflecting on 2018. Looking back, it has been a year of stepping out of comfort zones, not just for me but for many others. It was also a year of allowing God to use me for His purpose. The year however came with many trials and as I look back these are some of the things I learnt:

1. Jesus Comes First.

With the busyness of life its easy to get distracted and not focus entirely on God. As I focused on my own goals and “living my best life,” I found that Jesus sometimes came second or even third. 2018 really taught me that Jesus needs to come first In everything and that He should be my main focus. As I decrease, God needs to increase.

2. The Importance of Joy.

Going into 2018 I had so many hopes and dreams for the year. Who knows it is a good thing to have your own personal hopes and dreams? What’s not good is allowing your own desires to become an idol. By the middle of January 2018 I began to feel depressed because things were not going the way I wanted them to. I kind of let the way I was feeling set the tone for the whole year. I started to realise that I could no longer entertain anything that may cause me to feel this way and began to focus on being content where God has me. I’ve also learnt to find joy even when I am going through struggles. The Bible says that we should count it all joy when we fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience (James 1:2-4). The more I am in Gods presence the more joy I have.

3. The Importance of Gratitude.

During my state of discontentment I started to realise how ungrateful I was being. God had blessed me with a promotion at work, blog ideas and a new home, however my focus was everything that I had not achieved. God really taught me how to be grateful even in the little things and I found happiness in this.

4. Control Over My Thoughts.

Who knows that the mind is a battlefield? God however has given us the power and authority over the enemy. Last year I learnt that I do not have to entertain every thought that comes into my head, especially if it is something that could be detrimental to my salvation. This year I will be living that Second Corinthians 10:5 life, where I will be casting down imagines and everything that does not align with Gods word.

5. Trusting the Process.

I have learnt that the key is to trust in the process, which includes Gods timing. Even if I do not understand something or things are not looking how I want them to look, GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. Trusting in God brings security. He will never lead us astray, however will direct us where He wants us to be.

6. The Importance of Having Godly Relationships.

Having more Godly relationships has really been on my heart this year. It’s all good being around people that you can have fun with, however you really do need people around you that can keep you in check, that you are accountable to and people that you can learn things from. This is why the Bible says “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20).

Iron really does sharpen iron and the benefits of being around the right people are amazing.

Hope you found these lessons useful. My friendship blog will be coming soon as promised.

Stay Blessed and Encouraged.

Love Nkay XxX

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